Today is Bell Lets Talk, A yearly event that attempts to end the stigma surrounding mental health. By tweeting or texting using the #BellLetsTalk you donate 5 cents to the CMHA. It’s as easy as that. Now I’ve never personally been diagnosed with a mental illness, but I did lose someone to suicide. I know that doesn’t give me a right to preach about mental illness but we all have an opinion and this is mine. I’ve talked about my grandfather many times and how he died by suicide. Last year I talked about the grief related depression that I experienced from the trauma of the incident of his death. As if i’ve said before, this incident will continue to affect me, but that doesn’t mean my entire life revolves around this. If you’re reading this I’m okay. Remember that. I AM OKAY. Now let’s continue.
In my second year at Western I was a soph and I lived in residence approx. 4 months after this happened. I opened up to many of my first year students. I also choose to go home certain weekends to spend time with family. The one time I went home for FOCO, (Western’s Fake Homecoming) I was judged by friends despite that being the birthday of my grandfather and the first one we’d spent without him. It was a day I wanted to spend with my family and the friends that told me it was selfish of me to go home, well now you know. The one thing that surprised me about my ‘story’ was that I would come right out and say it, and people would be like “how are you so okay with this?”. I would respond by saying, it happened and me telling people was my way of coping with it. I’m stronger now because i’ve spoke out about it.
In December of 2016, someone from the residence marketing team reached out to me and asked me to be apart of a photo campaign that featured soph’s and student leaders. I became the poster child of Bell Lets Talk. (I don’t regret doing this, I just want to tell you about it) I posted my story to my Facebook account and then logged off my computer. I wanted to step back. I remember sitting in my dark residence room having typed everything I wanted to say, I had no idea how many people would see this and respond to this, but I knew my post wouldn’t go unnoticed. This was probably the most real thing i’d ever posted onto my facebook account, and the response was insane. Now i’m not trying to brag about likes or feedback, I’m grateful for everyone who reads my content, but this was different.
I actually posted a blog post titled “The Aftermath of Bell Lets Talk Day” and I didn’t post it anywhere but twitter.
(You can read it here.. If you want. Its a different me, a probably very upset me, but its very honest) https://supmallory.wordpress.com/2017/01/29/the-aftermath-of-bell-lets-talk-day/)
I expressed how the act of posting this gave me the most regret i’d ever felt. I posted it and after the comments flooded in I was reading through them and being like “I should just delete this, I wonder if people would notice.” I got comments like “You’re so strong, wow I look up to you so much, you’re so brave” and I didn’t feel strong, or brave. I felt so much regret, I felt vulnerability and I just wanted to delete the post and never speak about it again. But I didn’t do that. I kept it up. I suffered in silence. Why was my story any more important then someone else. Does someone who stays silent have validity too? Of course. I posted the blog post and barely anybody read it. I’ve told a couple people about it and when I seeked counselling I told my counsellor about it. She said my feelings were normal and I was brave even If I didn’t think about it like that. The act of me sharing my story was not going to end the stigma around the world but it was showing that yes this happens to people, when suicide happens there are people left behind and people do suffer from the effects of it. But we don’t have to suffer in silence, we can speak up.
For my last year at Western I joined the Western specific chapter of an organization called Active Minds. I take photos and i’ve got to participate in a couple cool photo campaigns. This club aims to end the stigma surrounding mental illness on Western’s campus by providing students a forum for voicing their opinions. They are also working on an advocacy paper to give to the administration. They’re doing lots of cool things and i’m happy to be apart of it. I’m also running my own photo campaign called #WesternYou through Active Minds where students share their stories and all the photos have a theme. All the photos are people sitting down. The theme is sit down and lets talk about mental health. If you want to check this out it will be posted in April so stay tuned. I joined active minds for a couple reasons. 1, I wanted to make a change on Western’s campus. 2. My bad experience with my own mental health. But I wanted to specifically talk about my experience using Western’s services. That claim to be great.
I had an experience using Western’s mental health services in September and my experience was one that many students have. I was feeling upset and wanted to talk someone. I wasn’t leaving my room or spending time with my roommates and I was constantly upset. I went from living in residence for 2 years to sharing a house with 5 other people. It was a big jump for me and its normal to feel anxious when this happens but I had more concerns. I went to student health services after getting an appointment and sat down with a nurse. Before the appointment started I was anxious about telling someone my thoughts. The nurse also confused me for an IUD consultation so that was my first impression which made me sort of uneasy with her. I told her about my symptoms and filled out a chart labelling the number that associated with my symptoms and how many times i’d experienced feelings of possible depression. She then straight up asked me if I’d like to be put on depression medication for my symptoms. I kid you not I’d been in the room with her for 5 minutes. She was about to prescribe me anti depressants after just talking to me for less than 10 minutes. She asked me if that was an option I wanted to considered and I declined. If that doesn’t describe the quality of the service at Western then I don’t know what does. Needless to say I decided to seek counselling off campus and i’ve had better luck. Despite it costing me money per session. I joined Active Minds because I knew that the mental health services on this campus were lacking, but I was surprised when that happened. I’d also like to note that it took me 4 months to actually receive a call from them about my appointment. They were radio silent in a time where I needed help. They basically said are you suicidal, I said no and then they were like okay have a great day, we’ll refer you. If a student isn’t suicidal or in a crisis they don’t really care.
So to sum this up, I’ve taken an initiative to make myself feel better and put myself into situations where i’m advocating for those rights. My hope is that the services get better for students after I’m gone and no student ever has to go through this again. Bell Lets Talk is one day out of 365 days. Don’t let the one day be the only day you reach out. Your feelings are valid and so are you.
I love you all and if you read this to the end, thank you. I definitely appreciate that. Just remember, I’m okay. This isn’t a cry for help, you shouldn’t be concerned. I’m doing cool things and I hope 2018 brings lots of new creative opportunities for me.
Love always.
Mallory T
Some fun songs i’ve been listening to (from my make me happy playlist on Spotify @supmallory)
- DNA – BTS
- Somewhere Only We Know – Keane
- Sincerely Me – Mike Faist, Ben Platt
- Outskirts of Paradise – Bad Suns
- Count On Me – Bruno Mars
- I Lived – One Republic
- Classic – MKTO
- Soak Up the Sun – Sheryl Crow
- We Own the Night – The Wanted
- She Will Be Loved – Maroon 5
- Brighter Than The Sun – Colbie Caillat
Welcome to My World 